Food Snob Walks Into A Bar...

...And so the service industry tales begin.


The restaurant I'm bartending at has only been open for two weekends, and I've already had someone send their food back and refuse to order anything else.

This woman and her husband came in, sat at the bar, and she was pretty awful right from the get go.

She wanted to know about the Porterhouse steak-

Cranky Woman: What does this mean? This doesn't make any sense. It says 4oz filet, 12oz strip. Well which is it?

"You're right, ma'am, that doesn't make sense. Let me check for you."

So I return and inform her that Porterhouse, says the chef, generally comes with the bone in the middle. He's cut the bone out of these steaks, so you get the 4oz filet from one side of the bone and the 12 oz strip from the other side of the bone, without having to actually work at getting around the bone yourself. Seems okay, right?

CW: Well, someone doesn't know how to cut meat.

"You're right, I don't. How about you order something else?"

She gets the chicken. It arrives, she eats all the mushrooms off the top and then pushes the plate away.

CW: This is just awful. I can't eat this. It's terrible.

"I'm so sorry, can I take it back and have him fix it? Or would you like something else instead?"

CW: No, this is awful. You can just take it. I don't want anything else.

"I'm really sorry. What was wrong with it?"

CW: It's not your fault, you didn't cook it. But the sauce is watery, the linguini doesn't taste like anything.

It's fucking pasta, lady. It doesn't taste like anything. That's why you cover it in sauce.

CW: It's not salty enough,

See that shaker full of white stuff right in front of you? You can have as much as you want. 

CW: And this chicken has no life in it.

Yeah, I generally like my chicken dead when I eat it. It makes it easier to catch it with the fork. 

"I feel bad that I recommended it to you. It wasn't that bad when I ate it."

Then I took her plate away and left her alone.

Side note: her husband looked really embarrassed, and HE ate everything with no complaint, so I feel like she does this everywhere she goes.

Poor guy.   

Moses Supposes His Toeses... Are Almost Finished.

I missed a post last week because something terribly exciting (and relieving) happened.

I got a job.

I get to bartend at a new steakhouse in town. It's been fun, so far, if by fun you know I mean 'shit show.'

No, really, it's been both. We were most definitely not prepared for the number of people that showed up Friday night for the first night open, and it was good, overall. I mean, it was crazy, and people waited for hours (literally, an hour + sometimes) for their food, but it was good that we now know what needs to improve.

Everything. Except the bar service, obviously, because I'm fabulous.

We could use some Bud products and simple syrup and grenadine, but I'm doing pretty well so far.

Today's goal is finish this sock (not the pair, since this is just the first sock, but it's almost there.)
 Also, I need to write a new pitch for Letters to Myself.

Color Affection Take Two

I promise that this will be the last post about the Color Affection for awhile.

But IT'S DONE!

I'm so pleased with the way this turned out. I cut corners a little bit at the end, I'll admit, because I was afraid that I was going to run out of yarn and I don't have the ability to get more at the moment, and mostly because I just wanted the thing done before it got too warm to wear it.

And I am certainly not going to ask the warm weather to hold off for a bit, because that would be insane.

Still, even though it isn't as wide as it could be, it's a perfect size. Anything bigger might be too big for me anyway. I don't want to be dwarfed by my own shawl.

I wore it all day yesterday, and I loved it! It's warm and cozy, but light at the same time.

There will be more versions of this pattern, just not for awhile, because I have a pair of socks on the needles at the moment, and I want to make something with crochet, too. Now I just have to pick a pattern.

Easy, right?

Score: Color Affection: 2. Me: 0.

Sunshine Around the Corner

I just came from the Harlot's blog, and it seems that we're all feeling the weather today. It's gray and gloomy and pouring rain here.

And I am this close to being done with this Color Affection.

That's right. Just the bottom couple inches of blue and then I cast off this beast.

It makes me not want to work on writing one novel and editing another, which is exactly what I should be doing.

It makes me want to curl up with a cup of tea (or maybe some wine) and something to watch on Netflix, and knit until this thing is done.

I DID clean the house today, so I can't call the day a complete waste, even if I spend the rest of it knitting.

I think I might indulge.

I'll catch up on the writing eventually, right?

For now, I'm going to find something to watch while I knit, and think about how beautiful it was last weekend. I hope more days like this are just around the corner.

Buzz Off

For the first time in too long it feels like spring. We've been ready for spring for months now (some of us) and we're all anxiously awaiting it, and it feels like it might have finally happened.

I don't want to say that too loud, in case Mother Nature has other ideas.

Today, I met a friend for coffee and spent a good two hours talking to a human being! It was great, and just what this mostly-housebound girl needs. Along with a job, and a car.

Then I went and got myself some sushi for lunch, and took it to the park to eat outside.

Two or three pieces in, my peaceful spring lunch was interrupted by a honey bee.

Not a 'quick sniff and be gone' honey bee, either, but a 'oh, there's sweet sauce on your shrimp roll- I'm going to land on your food and help myself' honey bee.

I didn't want to kill it, because bees are dying at an alarming rate, but I'll be damned if I was going to share the rest of my lunch with the thing.

When it had eaten its fill, and buzzed off to tell its friends about the awesome free food, I packed up and made a run for it. I had a less lovely lunch in my boyfriend's car with the windows up just in case the bees managed to track me down.

I Refuse to Take Pictures of My Food

So today, you just get a recipe.

3 or 4 small heads of broccoli, raw and chopped

1/2 to 1 cup of grapes, halved

1/4 to 1/2 a red onion, chopped (depending on how much you like onion)

3/4 pound of bacon, cooked and chopped small.


Mix together in a bowl.

Add just enough mayo to coat everything (about a half a cup).

Chill.

Serve.

Remark to your friends how fucking delicious it is.

You're welcome.

(P.S- this recipe is not mine. I just found it, and love it, and am sharing it with you.)

Lions All Around

I am again losing to the Color Affection pattern. It's absolutely addictive. I have a ton of yarn that I need to use up, and I have no job, but what did I do? Bought the yarn for a Color Affliction.

Screw you, addictive pattern.

And yet, I love you. And I can't wait for this one to be done, so that I can wear it.

I'm 3 rounds away from being able to add the final color, and that means that it's very hard for me to sit here and write this blog post, and look for jobs like I'm supposed to be doing, because I'd much rather finish this section while catching up on The Following.

SPOILER ALERT! The third color is blue.


I can't really spoil The Following for you, because I'm still three or four episodes behind. They've just arrived at Joe's weird compound full of followers.

I'd just like to say that I totally called the local cop being a part of the plan and shooting Jinxy (because Shawn Ashmore will forever be Steve Jinks from Warehouse 13 to me). But I'm glad he was okay. Because I like Jinxy.

In other, totally unrelated news, it's still snowing. I thought March was supposed to go out like a lamb? Not so much. Lions all around, here. It's ridiculous, and I've had enough.

Since there isn't much else exciting in my life, I'm off to search for more jobs. Hopefully then I'll have more interesting stories to relate.

That or I'll keep watching television...