Food Snob Walks Into A Bar...

...And so the service industry tales begin.


The restaurant I'm bartending at has only been open for two weekends, and I've already had someone send their food back and refuse to order anything else.

This woman and her husband came in, sat at the bar, and she was pretty awful right from the get go.

She wanted to know about the Porterhouse steak-

Cranky Woman: What does this mean? This doesn't make any sense. It says 4oz filet, 12oz strip. Well which is it?

"You're right, ma'am, that doesn't make sense. Let me check for you."

So I return and inform her that Porterhouse, says the chef, generally comes with the bone in the middle. He's cut the bone out of these steaks, so you get the 4oz filet from one side of the bone and the 12 oz strip from the other side of the bone, without having to actually work at getting around the bone yourself. Seems okay, right?

CW: Well, someone doesn't know how to cut meat.

"You're right, I don't. How about you order something else?"

She gets the chicken. It arrives, she eats all the mushrooms off the top and then pushes the plate away.

CW: This is just awful. I can't eat this. It's terrible.

"I'm so sorry, can I take it back and have him fix it? Or would you like something else instead?"

CW: No, this is awful. You can just take it. I don't want anything else.

"I'm really sorry. What was wrong with it?"

CW: It's not your fault, you didn't cook it. But the sauce is watery, the linguini doesn't taste like anything.

It's fucking pasta, lady. It doesn't taste like anything. That's why you cover it in sauce.

CW: It's not salty enough,

See that shaker full of white stuff right in front of you? You can have as much as you want. 

CW: And this chicken has no life in it.

Yeah, I generally like my chicken dead when I eat it. It makes it easier to catch it with the fork. 

"I feel bad that I recommended it to you. It wasn't that bad when I ate it."

Then I took her plate away and left her alone.

Side note: her husband looked really embarrassed, and HE ate everything with no complaint, so I feel like she does this everywhere she goes.

Poor guy.